Insecurities

This blog is strictly for healing.  Mine to be exact, and maybe these words will touch someone else.  My life has been a series of ups and downs.  A never ending cycle of mountain-top and valley experiences if you will. After every down, I have this amazing experience that I learn so much, feel so close to the Lord and am so energized to continue.  Then its back to daily life.  And after every down and every up, I am still left with these little bugs.  

Bugs that I  can squash so many times but they find a way back.  At first they are just little spots in the distance.  After a while they, are like a little shadow that is with me whereever I go.  Soon, they become like a little freckle on my skin.  They are part of me.  I can try to scratch them off but I only end up hurting myself, leaving behind scabs and scars.

These little bugs are actually insecurities.  I have so much.  A God who is my everything, a husband who loves me, a beautiful son puts joy in our lives, friends and family who are there for me.  But I always come back to the little bugs.  Bugs that tell me I am too "fat" or "ugly" for my husband to love me.  Bugs that make me think that tomorrow is a better day to start eating right and taking care of myself.  Bugs that present themselves in ways that make me doubt my husband.  Bugs that make me think that people who I used to be really good friends with now want nothing to do with me.  They try to make me feel like I am a burden to those who love me.  They try to make me feel like I am a horrible mother because Kole is acting exactly like he should, a two year old.  

These bugs like to think THEY are my best friend and that they know my every thought.  

But I know something they do not.  You see, I can try to scratch them off myself, but I do not have to.  There is one way that I can get rid of them and that is by the Blood of Jesus Christ.  When I use this on these little bugs that look like freckles, I come out of it cleaner than before.  That spot is forever brighter because of the Glory of God.  I will always struggle with them and they will probably always find their way back. But, since I will never be forsaken, I will always be able to get rid of them.  

Love is...

I have had an awesome break! I spent some much needed time with Kane, Kole, and friends. I have not felt the desire to write a blog until theses past couple of days. But today I heard something on the radio. This guy stated that after salvation, people make a 180 degree turn around.

That got me thinking. I have never really seen anyone come to the saving grace of Christ. But, I do know soooo many people who claim to know Christ as their personal savior. Many of them I can see the evidence of Christ in their lives. At the same time, I see many people who claim to know Christ as their personal savior with no real evidence in their lives.

I start to wonder what the difference is. I was thinking today about what it means to be a Christian. What it looks like. If we are to be a Christins we are supposed to follow Christ's example. Of course, we can not be perfect. But there is one thing we can do that he did. We can show sacrificial love to those who Christ loves.

Christ's sacrifices were great. First of all, he left his place in heaven to come to earth. Just think about all that was giving up. Living in a place where you had direct access to God with out having to go off to the woods to pray. The most beautiful place any of us will ever see. He had not home on earth. He also died on a cross so that we may have eternity with Him and his Father.

I want my life to exhibit the same sort of sacrificial love that Christ showed us. I want to be able to give up my home if I need to. I want to be able to die to myself in order for Christ's love to shine through. I want everyone to be able to see how much Christ loves them because I am willing to love them no matter what the cost.

One thing I have learned that its the hardest thing I do. But how much harder was it for Christ. We have eternal life. A life of joy and communion with the Lord. No sorrows, no worries. Yet so often, we forget what Christ has done for us. We retreat in this selfish state and forget about those around us. We forget about the higher calling that the Lord has placed in our lives. We forget about the people who do not know Christ or have the promise of eternal life. We forget about those that we love who need ministered to.

But we can not show sacrificial love to others with out first being filled up with the love of the Lord. We can only do so much before we get dried up. We need to spend time in his word and prayer. Running from temptation and asking for forgiveness. Christ has given us so much and wants to give us so much more we just have to give him our hearts.