I am crying as I type this :(

I am angry. I am actually so angry I am shaking. I think it is a lot of a little things that have come to a head, but they all boil down to three things. I am tired of people, I am tired of sin, and I am tired of people who sin (including myself). This is a little bit of an unfair statement but hopefully you will understand when you are done reading.

I am tired of repetitive sin. The sin that takes the grace that God has given and throws it back in his face. The sin we somehow think we have overcome or that does not affect us. That sin that we try to hide from everyone, even from ourselves. That sin that we know will hurt others, especially the one's we love) if they knew the truth, even if we do not think it is that bad or even sin at all. The sin that we feel a nagging feeling as we do it, but then promptly forget about it so we do not feel guilt. The sin that we do a little at a time. "Oh this is not to bad" we say to ourselves. Gradually, we move up to "I should probably not do this but its just this once. No one will know and I won't do it again". Then we get to sinning so much that somehow Satan's lie of "I am not good enough to for God or "there is no turning back now" make complete since to you.

I am tired of the sin that tells God what he has given us is not good enough. We want more. We are bored. We know it all. Its all the same thing. When we deny the gifts that God has given, or expect more and more, we, in a way, deny Him and the very essence of who He is. The people he places in our life. The material things we are given out of sheer grace but then we hunger for more. The time that we are given but then we waste it on stupid, trivial stuff.

I am tired of seeing people not loving their neighbors, friends, children, spouses. Why do they not love their spouse? Good question. Is it because they are to fat? To lazy? To stupid? To time consuming? To annoying? To sloppy? To busy? To smart? Complain to much? Not perfect? Or is it just cause we are just so darned selfish to look past ourselves?

We have been given the most amazing gift. I am not talking about heaven because, lets face it, as much as we (or at least I and most of you will secretly have to admit to this as well) try, eternal life with our God and Father seems rather pointless in our day to day life. I am talking about the love that surrounds us from Him when we let it. When we turn away from our sins, or most importantly, turn them over to Him, and let his love and healing surround us, there is no greater gift than that. The gift of amazing grace when we are nothing but wretches. The gift of eternal forgiveness when all we deserve is death. The gift extreme love when we do not deserve it. The gift of being able to love others and know that it not us who does so, but Jesus Christ.

Please do not read this blog and worry about me. I wrote this blog because I am mad and hurt. Hurt by the sin that breaks my Father's heart. I am crying as I type this because I am at a loss of what to do. I want to change the world but I can't. I can only change myself and pray that people can see a little tiny glimpse of God trough my broken heart.

When you read this blog do not look at anything but yourself and your relationship with Christ. Because that is all that matters. And please remember these two things: experience Christ's forgiveness by asking for forgiveness and repenting, and go and sin no more. Well at least try :)