Insecurities

This blog is strictly for healing.  Mine to be exact, and maybe these words will touch someone else.  My life has been a series of ups and downs.  A never ending cycle of mountain-top and valley experiences if you will. After every down, I have this amazing experience that I learn so much, feel so close to the Lord and am so energized to continue.  Then its back to daily life.  And after every down and every up, I am still left with these little bugs.  

Bugs that I  can squash so many times but they find a way back.  At first they are just little spots in the distance.  After a while they, are like a little shadow that is with me whereever I go.  Soon, they become like a little freckle on my skin.  They are part of me.  I can try to scratch them off but I only end up hurting myself, leaving behind scabs and scars.

These little bugs are actually insecurities.  I have so much.  A God who is my everything, a husband who loves me, a beautiful son puts joy in our lives, friends and family who are there for me.  But I always come back to the little bugs.  Bugs that tell me I am too "fat" or "ugly" for my husband to love me.  Bugs that make me think that tomorrow is a better day to start eating right and taking care of myself.  Bugs that present themselves in ways that make me doubt my husband.  Bugs that make me think that people who I used to be really good friends with now want nothing to do with me.  They try to make me feel like I am a burden to those who love me.  They try to make me feel like I am a horrible mother because Kole is acting exactly like he should, a two year old.  

These bugs like to think THEY are my best friend and that they know my every thought.  

But I know something they do not.  You see, I can try to scratch them off myself, but I do not have to.  There is one way that I can get rid of them and that is by the Blood of Jesus Christ.  When I use this on these little bugs that look like freckles, I come out of it cleaner than before.  That spot is forever brighter because of the Glory of God.  I will always struggle with them and they will probably always find their way back. But, since I will never be forsaken, I will always be able to get rid of them.