There is Only Grace

Music is by far one of my favorite things.  I love having it on while I'm driving, at home, and while I am working out.  It has the power to evoke emotion when I feel nothing, bring back memories when my mind is blank, say the words that I didn't know how to say.  There is a song that literally said word for word exactly what has been on my heart for the last year or so.  The song is "How Can It Be" by Lauren Daigle and the verse that really hit me was:

"I've been hiding, 

Afraid I'll let you down,

Inside I doubt that you could love me,

But in Your eyes there is only grace."

There was a time in my life that I knew my heart was where He wanted it.  I knew that my desires were in-line with His.  But then life got in the way.  I thought I had it all figured out so I stopped searching.  And as I stopped searching, the road got a lot wider and more crowded with "things".  By "things" I mean sin.  By sin I mean thinking that I knew best, that I didn't need to seek his guidance because I knew what I wanted out of life.  And pretty soon, the things I wanted out of life were no longer in line with what He wanted.  And pretty soon the things I thought I had wanted were no longer what I wanted, they were dragging me down, I was making horrible decisions, and slowly and then more quickly I was lost and confused.  I wanted to hide. Hide from the mess I had made and the God that I ignored.  

I wanted to hide because I knew I had let Him down.  I am the type of person who it's all or nothing.  I screwed up, a lot, so therefore there is nothing that He would want.  NOTHING that deserved grace because there was A LITTLE that was not right.  I was afraid to try again because I had already failed.  And if I can't be perfect at my walk then there was no point in trying. 

Boy, was I wrong.  The first glimpse I got of this was with my son.  That kid screws up all the time.  He sins.  He lies, he cheats, he disobeys.  But there is nothing that he has done or will do that has made me stop loving him.  There is nothing that he has done and that he could do that will make me turn my back on him as his mom.  There is plenty that he could do that would make me want to correct him, guide him, and teach him.  So if I feel that way about my son, why wouldn't my Heavenly Father, whoes love is perfect, want the same from me. 

As the song says, there is only grace in his eyes.   There is forgiveness.  It was already given, freely I might add.  It is an all or nothing sort of thing.  But not the type that I mistakenly thought.  It's not all perfection or no point.  It is all of Him and none of me.  I can do nothing to make Him turn His back, He has already given all of Himself.  There is nothing I can do to earn His grace, other than ask for it.  I am going to screw up.  I am going to fall.  But there is no condemnation, no hell-fire and brimstone.  There is only forgiveness.  There is only grace.

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