Resolutely Single

At the beginning of the year I had made three resolutions for 2014.  They are as follows: 1) Loose weight.  2)  Keep my car clean all year.  3) Celebrate the Holiday season of 2014 single.

I did loose weight.  Go me!  My car, though not always clean, was clean more than it was not. And I have no significant other in which to celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the New Year.

I did date someone this year but that was short lived as I found out this person was not only a huge narcissistic liar but also married.  That last sentence shows my choice in men.  I see these guys that put off something that looks "good" then I justify dating them.  Then I think that my belief in their goodness will actually change them.  Then I end it because I find that their faith is not exactly what I thought it was or the relationship is not honoring to the Lord.  But let's look closer at the reason behind these failed relationships.

First  the phrase "my choice" sums it up pretty nicely.  I do not think that I have once sought the Lord before I made up my mind to date someone (and I can be quite stubborn).  I found something attractive about this person, wether it be the attention they gave me, that they can two-step, humor, country, hardworking, whatever and decide that it is ok to date them.  None of those qualities are bad, but none of them are reasons to tie myself to someone.  My whole thought process has changed on this attraction I thought I had had.  Where I used to look at boots, my heart has started finding prayer more attractive.  When I used to look at dancing as a quality, now I see true worship as a must have.  But more importantly, like I have told my son on multiple occasions,  what he and I are looking for, is someone who loves Jesus more than us and more than himself.  I am no longer looking for what I "think I want" but I am looking for someone who pleases the Lord.   

The second reason I know God has prevented these relationships from lasting is because I have let them come between and become more important than my relationship with Him.  I want to get married again and give Kole the siblings he has frequently asked me for.  But He does not want me to do it if it is going to take away from the relationship that He wants from me.  I have often wanted to date someone only to dispel the loneliness I feel.  As a wise man once said "you can not fix internal problems with external solutions".  That is what I was doing and often these men that were meant to lead me closer to Him became my focus instead of Him.  

The only resolution I will have this year is to continue to grow closer to the Him.  He knows my desires, He knows what Kole and I need, and He will bring that person to us.  In His time, in His way.  I will be content while I am waiting.  I will be patient while I am praying.  It may take months or even years before Kole finally gets to stop asking me to marry someone but at least that person will show Kole how to love and honor God, and will lead us to a stronger and closer walk the the Author of Love.