Caring

Blogs can be so therapeutic.  They can help with processing everything and help with healing.  But the times that you need to write one but do not really want the whole world knowing your personal crap can be quite tricky.  Because, if you think about it, there are very few people who actually care.  I mean fully care like Christ does.  It is kind of interesting to see the dynamic in caring as well.  In nursing school we learn about caring in the first semester.  We learn about how its the one thing that it takes to make a good nurse.  You can know everything there is to know about nursing but if you don't care you are not going to get good patient outcomes.  

Often caring is so skewed.  We either care in the good times or we care in the bad times or we don't care at all.  You know those people who are always there for you when life is great.  They have fun laughing with you, but when times get tough they pull away.  Or those people who are there for you in really really hard times but you never hear from them again until something really really bad happens again.  Or those people who are there all the time but never really engaged with anything about you.  It is all about them and never about anyone else.

It takes a really special person to care through everything.  A person who is there for the highs and the lows.  A person who truly cares about everything going on in your life.  It takes Jesus Christ.  You can care in your own strength, but that caring soon becomes skewed.  If it is not skewed, it does not take long until that person becomes bitter and cold and burned-out.  Only a life that is given over to be filled with Christ every day can say that they are truly caring for those around them.

Most people who read this will just read it.  They will not care about what is written or the person writing it.  They will only care about what is going to happen after they finish reading these worthless words.  But if you do care the way Christ does you will show it.  Show that you care by putting others before yourself.  Show that you care by laughing with a friend or crying with a stranger.  Show that you care by telling everyone you can about Jesus Christ and the way he cares for them.

Treasure

You know that commercial about the boy who has his girlfriend take off her shoes before she gets in the car?  It is about the boys first love not being the girl but his car. I laugh every time I see it because I find it a little over the top.  But the more I think about it, the more I see some truth behind it.

I find this commercial heartbreaking because it reminds me of a lot of real situations. It makes me think of how people take more stock in their possessions than in their relationships, especially their relationship with Christ.   We spend so much time with our TVs, computers, phones, IPads, and so on, that by the end of the day we have not spent any time in the word or in prayer.  We spend so much time making sure that our homes are clean and all the while our souls are becoming dirtier and dirtier.  We spend so much time trying to make more money that we have not time to give to those in need.  We spend so much time trying to let others see how cool we are that we forget to show the love of God.

It all kind of trickles down too.  Not only do we not have enough time for what should be the most important aspect of our lives, we do not have enough time for our loved ones.  We go all day filling these empty desires that we have not energy to put into our God-given relationships.  Our spouses go forgotten about.  We have not energy to talk or spend quality time with them.  Our children go ignored or left to fend for themselves with not real quality interaction there either.  Our friends go wondering if we even care.  Unbelievers go unsaved because we can't take the time to show them who Christ really is.

In Matthew 6:11 it states "where your treasure is there your heart will be also".  So I ask where is your treasure?  Is it with Christ and everything he stands for?  Or is it with yourself and possessions that are just going to burn any ways?

I think this is my favorite topic :)

I am not really sure where this blog will end.  I have a lot on my heart.  Mainly due to this last week and a half.  You know those times in life when things just kinda start falling apart.  Nothing huge mind you, but still enough to bring you down.  In the past week my questions have ranged from "Am I going to make it out of nursing school" to "Do I need to take Kole to the ER" and every one in between.  There is nothing in my life that was not touched by stress.

Its kinda funny if you think about it.  It's always this time of year.  I will not go into much detail, but 3 yrs ago this time of year something bad happened, then again a year later, and then again a year later!  This time it is nothing horrible, not any where near like the years before, but it def. has not been easy.

I look at my reaction through all of the "experiences".  The first year I got prego, the next year I got mad at God, the next year I was almost divorced then grew closer to the Lord in a way that I had not done in the past.  This year again I am pulling away.  I find it amazing how things can change from wanting to bring Glory to the Lord to what can the Lord do for me.  And if he does not pull through with what I want, I pull away.  Then I just start sinning more, then I keep pulling away.  It is a never ending cycle.

I remember what it felt like to have my heart in the right place.  How these little things did not matter as much.  I knew I was on the right track.  I was able to love better, more, and those who are hard to love.  When I lose sight of bringing him glory it all changes.  I start doubting a lot of things but mostly I doubt that my saviour still loves me.  And not only that but I also start doubting that others deserve that love.

But isn't that what this Love is all about.  Love for those who do not deserve it.  I am talking about those Christians who are still stuck in their sin.  Or those who do pretty good most of the time, but inevitably fail.  I am also talking about those people who do not know Christ.

I think that the best way to bring Glory to the Lord is to show His love to those who do not deserve it and who do not know it.  That job of course only belongs to the holy spirit and those that he has called.  He may have called you a LONG time ago and you have grown deeper and deeper in relationship with Him.  He may have called you a LONG time ago but you are just now getting down the the nitty-gritty of your relationship with Him.  He may have called you just yesterday.  None of these time frames gives us an excuse to not show His love.  We need to show his love to our closest friends or meanest strangers.   We need to show his love to those who we think have no hope and/or those who we have tried to do so many times and they ignore.  Christian/Non-Christian, young/old, anyone deserves to be shown love, because none of deserve God's love.    Its not up us who to show His love to, its up to the Holy spirit and I am pretty sure that if he had it his way, it would be everyone :)

Now for those who happen to be reading this who do not know His love, you have a choice to make.  I encourage you to make it now.    If you do not know how to go about it, e-mail me or message me on FB.  You can have this love too.

And for the rest of you, get to loving you

Insecurities

This blog is strictly for healing.  Mine to be exact, and maybe these words will touch someone else.  My life has been a series of ups and downs.  A never ending cycle of mountain-top and valley experiences if you will. After every down, I have this amazing experience that I learn so much, feel so close to the Lord and am so energized to continue.  Then its back to daily life.  And after every down and every up, I am still left with these little bugs.  

Bugs that I  can squash so many times but they find a way back.  At first they are just little spots in the distance.  After a while they, are like a little shadow that is with me whereever I go.  Soon, they become like a little freckle on my skin.  They are part of me.  I can try to scratch them off but I only end up hurting myself, leaving behind scabs and scars.

These little bugs are actually insecurities.  I have so much.  A God who is my everything, a husband who loves me, a beautiful son puts joy in our lives, friends and family who are there for me.  But I always come back to the little bugs.  Bugs that tell me I am too "fat" or "ugly" for my husband to love me.  Bugs that make me think that tomorrow is a better day to start eating right and taking care of myself.  Bugs that present themselves in ways that make me doubt my husband.  Bugs that make me think that people who I used to be really good friends with now want nothing to do with me.  They try to make me feel like I am a burden to those who love me.  They try to make me feel like I am a horrible mother because Kole is acting exactly like he should, a two year old.  

These bugs like to think THEY are my best friend and that they know my every thought.  

But I know something they do not.  You see, I can try to scratch them off myself, but I do not have to.  There is one way that I can get rid of them and that is by the Blood of Jesus Christ.  When I use this on these little bugs that look like freckles, I come out of it cleaner than before.  That spot is forever brighter because of the Glory of God.  I will always struggle with them and they will probably always find their way back. But, since I will never be forsaken, I will always be able to get rid of them.  

Love is...

I have had an awesome break! I spent some much needed time with Kane, Kole, and friends. I have not felt the desire to write a blog until theses past couple of days. But today I heard something on the radio. This guy stated that after salvation, people make a 180 degree turn around.

That got me thinking. I have never really seen anyone come to the saving grace of Christ. But, I do know soooo many people who claim to know Christ as their personal savior. Many of them I can see the evidence of Christ in their lives. At the same time, I see many people who claim to know Christ as their personal savior with no real evidence in their lives.

I start to wonder what the difference is. I was thinking today about what it means to be a Christian. What it looks like. If we are to be a Christins we are supposed to follow Christ's example. Of course, we can not be perfect. But there is one thing we can do that he did. We can show sacrificial love to those who Christ loves.

Christ's sacrifices were great. First of all, he left his place in heaven to come to earth. Just think about all that was giving up. Living in a place where you had direct access to God with out having to go off to the woods to pray. The most beautiful place any of us will ever see. He had not home on earth. He also died on a cross so that we may have eternity with Him and his Father.

I want my life to exhibit the same sort of sacrificial love that Christ showed us. I want to be able to give up my home if I need to. I want to be able to die to myself in order for Christ's love to shine through. I want everyone to be able to see how much Christ loves them because I am willing to love them no matter what the cost.

One thing I have learned that its the hardest thing I do. But how much harder was it for Christ. We have eternal life. A life of joy and communion with the Lord. No sorrows, no worries. Yet so often, we forget what Christ has done for us. We retreat in this selfish state and forget about those around us. We forget about the higher calling that the Lord has placed in our lives. We forget about the people who do not know Christ or have the promise of eternal life. We forget about those that we love who need ministered to.

But we can not show sacrificial love to others with out first being filled up with the love of the Lord. We can only do so much before we get dried up. We need to spend time in his word and prayer. Running from temptation and asking for forgiveness. Christ has given us so much and wants to give us so much more we just have to give him our hearts.

Day of Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving Day. A day full of turkey, stuffing, pumpkin pie :))). A day full of in-laws, loved ones (or loved in-laws :) just kidding I love my in-laws). A day that we often hear "I am so thankful for _______" (Insert what you will here). This blog will fill my blank.

I am so very thankful for my family. The Ireland family has meant so much to me. This includes G-ma and G-pa, uncles, mother, Cassie and Ryan and cousins and so on and so forth... I would not be who I am today with out their support and their love. I am also thankful for the Preston family. I have only seen them once in the last 15 years or so but I do know that they make it a point to pray for me and my family. The McEntire family is one that I am also very thankful for. This family being the in-laws. Not only have some of them been there for me in times of horrible pain (you know who you are D & L), but this is the family in which my wonderful husband came from. And lastly, but def. not least, I am so very thankful for my husband and my son. These two guys have played a huge role in who I am today. Though the road has not been easy for Kane and I (many of you know the story, and if you don't you should ask because it is a real God story), I would not trade him for anything. I have gotten to see the power of Christ manifested in his victory, and I get to feel the love of God when I look at these two men (or boys). I am also very thankful for all of my friends who have been with me and helped me grow and prayed for me.

But most importantly, I am so very thankful for my relationship with Christ. I was saved when I was 16, but it was superficial until sometime last winter. Again, if you do not know the story you will have to ask. Today, He is my everything. He has given me so many wonderful blessings. He has given me this amazing family that challenge and bless me every single day. He has given me these friends who pray for me on a regular basis. He has given me this ability to go to nursing school so I can fulfill a desire he has placed in my heart. He has given provisions so that my family can make it through these rough financial times. He has given me a peace that gets me through each and every day. He has given me the Holy spirit to do the hard work for me. I can be my self with Him. I am not worried about saying or doing the right things to keep Him loving me. I know that He will love me no matter what I say, do, or look like. He also tells me when I am wrong. Like me thinking that I have to be perfect for my friends, child, or husband to love me. If they can not love me for who God created me to be then that is not my fault, but so often I make it my fault. I am so thankful for Christ dying on the cross for my sins. I am so thankful for who He is, who I am not, and who me makes me become.

Give thanks today. For the blessings that were given to you by His hands. And if you can not be thankful of who Christ is, then take this chance to call on His name and ask for forgiveness and let Him become your everything. If you want me to pray for you or help you through this process (or jut pray in general), please message me via facebook or e-mail and I will for sure do that.

Oh, and thanks for reading this :)

I am crying as I type this :(

I am angry. I am actually so angry I am shaking. I think it is a lot of a little things that have come to a head, but they all boil down to three things. I am tired of people, I am tired of sin, and I am tired of people who sin (including myself). This is a little bit of an unfair statement but hopefully you will understand when you are done reading.

I am tired of repetitive sin. The sin that takes the grace that God has given and throws it back in his face. The sin we somehow think we have overcome or that does not affect us. That sin that we try to hide from everyone, even from ourselves. That sin that we know will hurt others, especially the one's we love) if they knew the truth, even if we do not think it is that bad or even sin at all. The sin that we feel a nagging feeling as we do it, but then promptly forget about it so we do not feel guilt. The sin that we do a little at a time. "Oh this is not to bad" we say to ourselves. Gradually, we move up to "I should probably not do this but its just this once. No one will know and I won't do it again". Then we get to sinning so much that somehow Satan's lie of "I am not good enough to for God or "there is no turning back now" make complete since to you.

I am tired of the sin that tells God what he has given us is not good enough. We want more. We are bored. We know it all. Its all the same thing. When we deny the gifts that God has given, or expect more and more, we, in a way, deny Him and the very essence of who He is. The people he places in our life. The material things we are given out of sheer grace but then we hunger for more. The time that we are given but then we waste it on stupid, trivial stuff.

I am tired of seeing people not loving their neighbors, friends, children, spouses. Why do they not love their spouse? Good question. Is it because they are to fat? To lazy? To stupid? To time consuming? To annoying? To sloppy? To busy? To smart? Complain to much? Not perfect? Or is it just cause we are just so darned selfish to look past ourselves?

We have been given the most amazing gift. I am not talking about heaven because, lets face it, as much as we (or at least I and most of you will secretly have to admit to this as well) try, eternal life with our God and Father seems rather pointless in our day to day life. I am talking about the love that surrounds us from Him when we let it. When we turn away from our sins, or most importantly, turn them over to Him, and let his love and healing surround us, there is no greater gift than that. The gift of amazing grace when we are nothing but wretches. The gift of eternal forgiveness when all we deserve is death. The gift extreme love when we do not deserve it. The gift of being able to love others and know that it not us who does so, but Jesus Christ.

Please do not read this blog and worry about me. I wrote this blog because I am mad and hurt. Hurt by the sin that breaks my Father's heart. I am crying as I type this because I am at a loss of what to do. I want to change the world but I can't. I can only change myself and pray that people can see a little tiny glimpse of God trough my broken heart.

When you read this blog do not look at anything but yourself and your relationship with Christ. Because that is all that matters. And please remember these two things: experience Christ's forgiveness by asking for forgiveness and repenting, and go and sin no more. Well at least try :)