I am about two seconds away from crying today!
One of Kole's friends had a birthday party that we tried to go to. The first part went great! He was having fun, he was being nice and listening to what people told him.
Then it was like a switch!! He freaked out! He did not want to be down stairs so he freaked out. He was mad at a toy so he started hitting and yelling at it (which happened to be while they were praying)! Then when I took him upstairs he hit, kicked and screamed the whole way up there!!! So we left.
I literally feel so lost when it comes to this child. I know he is not a horrible child and there are worse. I also know that if the way he is acting is my biggest concern then I am one lucky mom, but I am still so frustrated and want to cry because I do not know what to do.
I wonder if it is something that I have done to make him treat me like this? Am I too lenient, expect too much, expect the wrong things? Is it something that I have not done that makes him treat me like this? Is is something that someone else has done or not done that causes it? Are all the changes finally catching up? Is it just a phase that he will hopefully grow out of SOON? He really is a loving child. He says thank you, you're welcome, bless you. Says I love you at random times, hugs and kisses when he wants to. He just treats me horrible. And I honestly do not think he treats anyone else like this either!
I have tried to become more firm with him but then it feels like the whole time I get to spend with him we are constantly butting heads and he is in time out more times than not. If I ease up then he walks all over me and the fits we do have are a lot more intense.
I love the fact that my child is stubborn. I just wish it was stubborn in the right areas, like standing up for what is right or standing firm in a faith that he will hopefully develop some day. I want for him to be able to keep it but not revert to anger and violence when he gets mad at me.
But as always, there is an upside to all of my frustration!! Through it all, I can finally begin to fathom the love that my Father has for me and my son. I love Kole with all my heart. But that pale's in comparison to how much his Creator loves him. Kole does not have to be perfect for me to love him. I may get mad, hurt, or sad at times, but that does absolutely nothing to how much I love him. It just makes that good times that much sweeter. We do not have to be perfect for our Father to love us. I am FAR from perfect and yet, He never ceases to amaze me at the love and blessings He has poured out for me, starting at the cross and ending with MANY earthly examples His love.
