Stories

I was listening to the radio today and they were talking about God stories. I love God stories. This got me thinking about the creativity of God. I have come to the conclusion that God loves to tell stories. He uses our lives to manifest His creativity.

You can either think of it as a song or a book. I am going to think of it as a book because I love to read. My life has many chapters. He has written about how children can overcome hardships. He has written about adults overcoming hardships. And all the while His undertones, or the writing between the lines, has been that He is always there. Even if I chose to ignore that fact. Or even when I chose to let it be present in every sentence that we write. Many of you know my story up till now. A childhood with out a father, yet He put a grandpa in my life to show His love. A mother who was addicted to drugs and alcohol off and on, yet, He gave her the strength to overcome and He put a grandmother in my life to provide what we needed. A sister whom I have an amazing connection with. And a brother whom the Lord has shown a different type of love trough. All of these are things that he chose to write about in my child hood. My adulthood is full of trials and overcoming. And full of love. Love of a wife, husband, a son, and many friends would be the theme of the last few chapters. But, again, the overriding theme in it all is that He has been there, waiting for me, loving me and eventually becoming my everything.

I can not wait to get to heaven. I can not imagine how many different stories I will be able to read. Stories of His power, love, grace, justices. All fascinating me for the same reason: They will all bring the Lord glory. And I will be able to look at my Creator in awe of the wonderful plot-lines He has created.

So I will end it with what is your story? Is the Lord still only the undertones? Or have you let Him use your story to show His glory?

Purpose

I have been having a hard time the last couple of days. My whole world has been turned up side down and in side out. I am going trough some life changes and they are making me rethink everything I had thought about myself in previous times.

I used to think I was a good student. It turns out that I am not. I have "failed" ( I use that term loosely because failing a test in nursing is different than other departments in higher education) two tests. So no longer can I identify myself as a good student. I used to think I was a good wife. But I keep finding ways that I fail Kane each and every day that, I am having a hard time identifying myself as a good wife. I used to consider myself as a good mom, but again, everyday I see areas in which I fail Kole that I am reluctant to use "good" and "mom" in the same sentence.

I used to think I was a good Christian. But every day I see where I have let God down. Whether it be by my fear or my reluctance to share His work in my life. What always catches me off guard is my selfishness. I "serve", but am expecting something in return or have ulterior motives so its not really serving. I want what I want and I want it now. I expect everyone to want to listen to what I have to say and think that it is more important than the homeless guy sitting on the corner begging for food.

I have had this song stuck in my head. I don't even like it but for some reason it won't go away. The part that is stuck in my head is "This is your life, are you who you wanna be." So I hear that and I start thinking to myself, "yea this is my life and I am going to be the smartest woman here, or the best mother in the world. This is my life right?"

Well as much I want to control my life and be who I wanna be, I can not. I have failed miserably at being me and running my life. And the reason behind my failure is that my whole thought process is wrong.

This is not my life. When I came to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ and chose to live for him, I lost my life and he took it. I am no longer going to be "who I wanna be" but who He has called me to be.

Who is that I ask? Is it a wife? Well yes, I am already one so I am called to die to myself so that Christ may love my husband. Is it to a a mom? Well yes, I already am one and who was defiantly on huge miracle from the Lord. So I know that He has called me to show Christ's love to this precious life that was created during a time of extreme distress for Kane and I. I also know that I am going to have another baby. NO I AM NOT PREGO. But the closer I get to Christ, the more I want another baby. I also know that I am supposed to be a student, because every time I asked him to show/tell me where he wanted me, it was in school.

So here I am. In my bedroom. A wife. A mother. A student. But, most importantly, a tool. A tool that the Lord has placed in this specific situation for a reason. I do not know what that reason will look at. But I do know that He has me primed and ready. No I just have to wait on him.

Look out world here I come. :D

2 Thessalonians 1:11
With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith.

Opportunities

I am in that point in life in which I have an amazing opportunity. This opportunity has nothing to do with money because, though God has blessed us and pulled us trough so many times using so many people, we still do not have a whole lot of money. This opportunity has nothing to do with a job because there is no way I could hold down a job right now. It has nothing to do with making new friends, though I am sure I will make quite a few of those in the coming years.

This opportunity has even greater meaning and reward. I have the opportunity to be weak. To lose myself. I do not have to be perfect. All I have to do is let Him shine trough me. All I have to do is let Him do the work for me. All I have to do is rest in Him.

I am going to nursing school. It is the third hardest thing I have done so far in my short lifetime. I have wanted to quit a few times. I have cried more times these last two weeks than I have in the last couple of months. But the beauty of it all, the thing that keeps me going, is the fact that I have this amazing opportunity! I can not do this. I know that I can't. I have tried on my own and almost quit. But I know that He can. I know that He is with me. Here are my God story to prove that I am where He wants me.

On Friday I had a quiz. I studied for this one at 4 in the morning. When I get there, I read the second question and I have no idea what it was asking! Needless to say, I started freaking out. I skipped it and came back and just started praying. Please help me remember this word. I have no idea what it is supposed to be used for. And in my mind He whispers "stretch" and of course it was the right answer. I know the Lord gave that to me. I know that He was there with me.

My second story is about today. We were at church and Kane was praying. He is being affected by this change as well. He has to put up with a mess more than he would like. He has to distract Kole more that he used to. As much as he is trying, we are still getting things worked out. But as he is praying, the Lord led him to tell me that the Lord knows that what I am doing is not easy, but I am doing a good job and He is proud of me.

My life goal is to put a smile on His face instead of a tear to His eyes. And I have that opportunity to do that. And for today, I am succeeding. What is your opportunity? Is it to serve someone? A friend, a spouse, a stranger, a child, a mother? Is it to lead a soul or many souls to Christ? Is it to finally come to Christ? Every day we each have the same opportunity. To bring glory to God which is what it is all about. Let His light shine!

Change is in the air :D

I am a little depressed. I am so tired of the way people treat each other. I am tired of the selfishness in people. I am so tired of everyone ignoring their sin. Pretending like it does not exist. Like we have done nothing wrong and it is all the other persons fault. I am so tired of expectations. I am so tired of trying to be perfect. I am so tired of fake people.

I hate pretending. I hate to have to pretend that everything is ok or risk being called a whiney baby or make someone mad at me. I am tired of being my own encourager. I am tired doing this all on my own. I am tired of thinking everything in life is horrible. I am tired of people being mad at me. I am tired of trying to not make them mad at me. I am tired of walking on eggshells. I am tired of not taking the encouragement I have been given. I am tired of making people mad at me. I am tired of sining. I am tired of watching those around me sin. I am tired of God's heart breaking by those he calls his own. Those he went after for his kingdom. And those he wants us to go after for his kingdom.

Who is the real you? Are you pretending? Are you faking? We heard a sermon at church yesterday about being authentic. If you have time read the sermon on the mount. Because you have probably committed adultery and murder. Your words and actions say one thing but your heart does not. Jesus loves when we do wonders and small things in his name, but if you are not doing them with the heart of Jesus, then they don't matter at all.

Sin is not just a one time deal. It is not, well I have overcome it so I do not need to worry about it. It is always there. Creeping up while you are unaware. And then it is there. And you are so far lost in it that you cant find your way out. It starts small. One thing here and one thing there. You don't notice or you justify and then all of the sudden we have major issues on our hands because of days, weeks or years of justifying and ignoring. We are supposed to be the body of Christ. We are supposed to work together. Instead, all I seem to see is sin and selfishness. And I am tired of it.

I am going to make a change. I am going to be who God created me to be. I am going to bring him glory by letting others know what He has done for me. I am going to bring him Glory because people are going to know that I am not perfect but He is. I am going to bring him glory because I am going to become a living breathing prayer. I am going to bring him Glory because I am going to sin but am not going to be afraid to confess and ask for forgiveness from those that I have hurt. I am going to bring him Glory because I am going to forgive those who have sinned, even when they do not ask. I am going to bring him Glory because I am going to love even when I am hurting. I am going to bring him Glory because of what He has done for us? Are you? Or are you going to forget what He has done for you?