Feelings are a funny thing. The other day I was sitting there and I smelled Kole. He didn't stink but he smelled warm. Like he used to when he was a baby and I would rock him to sleep. It was the same smell and I had an overwhelming burst of love for that child. My child. It was like a tightness in my diaphragm.
Then the other day that child told me no. I got angry and felt the same feeling in my diaphragm. The tightness but it was tied to a totally different feeling.
It's crazy how the mind body and spirit all interact. How physically I can feel something and emotionally it can be a few different things. God's creation is so complex. He created us to feel and have life on this body and created this body to feel and have life. So there are so many chemical and systemic reactions that correspond with how we think and feel. Most of the time a persons balance works and it does not cause issues. But sometimes, like I think in my case it gets all out of wack. Blame it on what you will. My switch from days to nights, the sad times I went through that got me mixed up and unable to get back to homeostasis, just lack of sunlight. Who knows what caused it but I do know that I am experiencing depression lately.
I am tired. Oh so tired all the time.
I have tried to work out. I have tried praying. I have tried just bucking up and faking till I make it but that's not working. I'm too tired. I'm too restless to focus. I have no me time. I do what I can to please everyone else. But I forget about myself. And the cycle continues.
It's time to break it. I have already put my plan A (diet and exercise) and plan B (medication) into action. I am choosing joy. And I am using my resources to help me. A new and happier Kristy is coming to you and this world better watch out :)
