The last blog I wrote was full of self-criticism and self-hate. I did not post it because the whole post totally devalues everything I wanted this blog to portray. I want to show growth, not belittling. I want to encourage, not tear down. I want to be honest, not self denying.
Let me explain the self-denying portion. I am very quick to think the worst about myself. I am the first to find a flaw in what ever it is that I am doing or whatever it is that I look or feel like that day. But when those thoughts are what I use to give myself value, then I am denying myself of my God-Given beauty. I am smart. I may not be as smart or witty as the girl sitting next to me (though in this case it is an invisible one since I am sitting alone) but my "brains" are going to be used in a unique way that I was created for and no one else. I may not be the most physically pleasing to the male sex as the other invisible girl next to me, but my body was fearfully and wonderfully made and bore a beautiful boy and focuses more on taking care of him and others around it than itself.
When those thoughts come to me I am denying myself the confidence that comes with being a woman, the certainness that comes with being a daughter of our Heavenly Father, the sureness that comes with being the bride of Christ. I don't want to reduce myself to a handful of lies.
When I honestly look at myself, I can see that I am special and unique. I may not be a good fit for everyone and I may drive a lot of people crazy, but the people who I am meant to impact and share my life with, I am perfect. To the purpose I have, I am smart enough. For the man I will spend my life with, I am beautiful. And to the Father I worship, I am everything I need to be.
