Maybe I was funnier?
Maybe I behaved better/different?
Maybe I was thinner?
Maybe I got better grades?
Maybe I was stronger (emotionally/physically)?
All of these maybes have gone through my head a time or two (or two thousand... :-/ ). All of these doubts were firmly rooted in my brain by the time I was 22. All of these questions (and more) I have asked thousands of times since then. They always have the same after thought:
Then maybe they would like/care for/love me?
All these doubts about me, what I am not, (well, what I think I am not) usually present themselves as an apology. The sentence usually flows as:
I am sorry I am not ________ ENOUGH for you.
I always feel like I fail someone because I am not good enough for that person or situation. But in reality the only person I am failing is myself.
When I look at myself and only see my short comings (no pun intended ;) ), I am only tearing myself down. Not only am I hurting me, I am only hurting the One who made me the way that I am. I am a masterpiece in the making. I have a beauty that is uniquely mine (and Cassie's). I have a sense of humor that has caused thousands of laughs. I am one of the most caring person you will probably ever know. I will go out of my way to make everyone happy before I even consider my own emotions. I may not be a perfect mom but I am the perfect mom for Kole.
Most importantly, I was made in His image. So I do not have to be ENOUGH for someone else. I am ENOUGH for who He has made me to be. You see, I do not have to be enough to earn someone's love. I do not have to be enough to deserve to be cared for. I do not have to do anything to make someone like me. I already am just by being me. I already am liked by so many amazing people. I already have more people caring for me than I will ever deserve. And I already have the greatest love that I could ever hope for. The love of a Best-freind, Lover, Father. I was enough long before I decided I was not enough for anyone or anything.
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