Please Pray

I try not to put to much personal issues in my blog.  My blog is all about my journey with God and this morning it is going to be all about my journey with God to the very core of the issue....

Why??????????

Why make me stay with him if he was just going to do it again?  Why am I not good enough of a person/women/wife that he "just doesn't love me"?  Why does this keep having to happen??  Why does my heart keep getting broken like this?  Why do YOU let it?????

I am through protecting him.  I am through living my life to make sure that he is ok.

I am getting a divorce.  Not by my choice you see.  I spent sooo many hours in prayer over the situation and it all led me to the same answer.  Stay, be his wife, obey ME....  So then he tell me he does not love me and wants a divorce...  He says he is doing the right thing...

I am just soooo brokenhearted.  Beyond words is how deep I hurt.  Like a dull ache that wont go away and at times leads to a nauseous hopeless feeling.

I know that my Jesus will see me through this.  I know that, because I will CHOOSE to obey HIM, I will be a stronger person because of it.  I will place my hope in HIM and live for HIS glory.

But right now, at 5:00 in the morning, when the hurt is sooo fresh.  When I can not figure out how to "let him go".  When I have not idea how not to be a wife.  When I have no idea how to rebuild from this...  When the pain is so deep that I can not even begin to sift through for fear of not being able to pull myself together in time for Kole.  I feel hopeless.

I am writing this blog because I need prayer.  Only a very few people will read this but those of you who do, please pray for me.  I need more of Jesus than ever before.  I need HIS love, HIS comfort, HIS grace, HIS strength....  I know what I need to do, pray and read the word and surround myself with with people full of HIS love but right now just getting out of bed in an hour for Kole seems almost impossible.

Please Pray