Happy and Healthy

Its been a long time since I blogged!!!  I kind of miss it but then again I don't!

I was talking to someone about why I do not blog as much any more and it came to me!  It is because when I did, I needed healing.  I was hurt, upset, frustrated, and I needed a place to go to vent, be heard and to heal.

I am not in that same place any more!  I still need healing, but not near as much.  I still need prayer but not in the same way as before.

This week is a big week for me.  This is the week that my divorce will be final.  If you would have asked me over four years ago, I prob would not have seen this girl writing this blog in my future.  I thought I had it all figured out.  I thought I knew who I was and who I was supposed to be.  I thought I knew who I was marring and what our life would look like.  Turns out I lied and was lied to in a MAJOR way!  I lied when I said I knew what I was doing or that I was sure of my actions.  I was lied to in countless ways, but those lies are for another blog another time!  If you asked me then why I married, I would have said that I loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.  But now, bypassing the lies, I can tell you that I did love him, but that is not why I married him.  It's one of those you knew a little to late and then you felt like you had not way out???  He will prob tell you the same thing.

But I can tell you this:  I WOULD NOT CHANGE A THING!!!!  Well there is one thing I would change but that is not for public knowledge :D

I have had the hardest four years of my life.  I was hardly happy, almost never healthy, BUT I am who I am today because of it.  I learned soooo many things and I can not even get into all of it!!!!  I learned how to love, forgive, respect.  I learned how to make Jesus Lord and not another human being.  After we split, I learned to love myself for me, and not what other saw or expected.  I learned what I like and not to like what everyone else likes.  I learned how to be ME!  KRISTY!! Finally!!  I am pushy, I am insecure, I love people, I love horses, I love to dance, I love to laugh, I love country music, I want what I want when I want it, I am loud,  I am sarcastic, I am not afraid to make the first move in most situations.  But most of all I am beautiful.  I have scars, I have stretch marks, I could lose a few pounds, a few other issues that I know will cause some people to look the other way, but that does not matter.  Not because some man sees me as so, but because I FEEL it.  Not because a husband keeps promises, but because God never broke His.

If I went back and changed anything then I would be giving up the most precious gift I have ever been giving.  I was able to give birth to the most amazing, most frustrating two year old known to man!!!  I love everything about that kid, even when he decides to slap me across the face.  I look at that child and I know that if I would go back, I would do everything the same because I know I have this relationship waiting for me and what we have been through has made it what it is.

My life is on a new path.  It terrifies me!  There is nothing I ever wanted more than I family of my own!    But now, there is nothing that I want more than to be the me I was created to be.  Be the mother that Kole needs me to be!  What ever that looks like, whoever that includes, we will just have to wait and see!  The most important part is that I am happy, I am healthy, and I am right where I need to be!!!