This is me

I know I just posted one and I know that I said that I was going to post 3 about the temple tour, but I have had something on my heart all night tonight so I am going to lay it out there!

I am tired of pretending. I am a fake and a hypocrite. Like Paul said, I do not do what I want to do and do what I do not want to do. I lie, mainly to myself. I try to pretend that I am some smart person who knows everything, but when it comes down to it I know next to nothing about just about everything. I am so prideful. I take pride in the fact that I have a brilliant advanced handsome son who warms everybody's hearts. I lust. I want what is not mine. I see what you have or they have or he has and I want it. I am sooo rude. I get snotty with those that I love. I think thoughts about people that I do not know and probably never will based upon the way they look or what they do. I am extremely selfish. Everything is about me. How will that affect my life today? I do not want to help Kole because I am just to tired. I just want a few minuets to myself so I lose my temper with anyone who tires to talk to me. Conversations I have are about what is going on in my life. What is the matter with me. How God is blessing Me. Me Me Me Me Me. Oh yea and by the way ME!!

I am drowning in my sin. I try to run from it but it is always there. I try to hide it, but it always finds me. I try to ignore it but it pokes me just enough. I try to cover it, but it rears its ugly head. I try to camouflage it but it is so distinct that it is unmistakable.

So since I can not do any of the above, I will just give it away. Give it to the one whose life was sacrificed for it. He was pierced 7 times. Each drop of blood that rolled down his body what payment for my sin that I continually chose to do. Every time I sin, I push those thorns a little deeper, the nails a little further, the spear a little harder. I am breaking his heart, everyday. I am sick. Sick of throwing the sacrifice in his face like it meant nothing.

I am done. I am done pretending like I have it all together. I am done pretending that the Lord's work is complete in me. I am done pretending that I understand his ways. I am a sinner. I am a wretch. But I am loved. I am forgiven. I am forever changed. I am perfect in His image. This is me.