However, there are things that I desperately want. Things that I have prayed continually about so that I know where I need to be and what I need to do in order for those "things" to happen. But, those two things that I want really only lead to one outcome.
What I desperately want, more than the two things I desperately want, is more Jesus. I want to be used. I want to be involved. I do not want to just be present, but be used. The two things are just modes of being able to obtain the one thing.
The first of the two things is a set schedule. My switching weekends, shifts, schedules, days, nights, is not conducive to being used in the way that I feel like I should be involved in. I want to be in a small group but I cant because of work and school. I want to help in a ministry at church but I can't because I work that night/evening. If I am not working I have Kole which is time that I am not willing to compromise. I want to go on mission trips but planning one seems difficult because of time and Kole. I would love to take him with me, I know he would love it!
The second of the two things is someone to grow in my faith with. I am content with my friends and my current relationships but I have this deep seated desire for a spouse that will not go away no matter how much I try, or pray for it to go away. I know that if a relationship I have is one that is God honoring and Jesus seeking will help me grow and show me an aspect of God that I do not get in any other relationship.
My more is not more in the since that what I have is not good enough. My more is not the more that says I am not content and full of joy where I am right now. My more is only that I am meant to be used in ways that I can not be used in right now. I am excited for my more and I want it to happen, like yesterday, but I am tying so hard to be content where I am at and wait on Him, so that I know my more is not my more, but His more.
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